Taking Responsibility and Gaining Power

I haven't posted in so long because I've been overwhelmingly busy, and I didn't feel like I had anything great to say. But I need to post, because I am committed to this process. I haven't weighed in for a long time. Last Friday, I was at 215.5. I've been pretty stagnant for like three months. Not what I had in mind. I realize that I can't expect external forces like shame and guilt to motivate me. I don't feel ashamed, because all of my friends are so supportive. My transformation has to come from within myself, in my heart.

I'm reading a book called Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway by Susan Jeffers. Anyone ever read it? It's got some interesting insights for those who live in fear. My guess is that anyone and everyone could find something in it that applies to themselves. A lot of you expressed the fact that you thought I was brave to create this blog. I wondered why that was so. It implies that sharing what I do is something scary--that it involves fear. The point of Jeffers' book is that everyone has fear in his or her life, but it doesn't need to play a deciding role in your life. There is no rule that says you can't do scary things. She claims that we can handle it. People do scary things every day. You can do scary things. What are you afraid of? Being alone? Being judged? Losing a loved one? You can handle it. If you have to, you will.

One concept she introduces is the idea that we often don't take responsibility for things in our lives that are ours to own. We can't control all of our circumstances, but we can control our reaction to them. If we lose our job, we can decide what our next move is. Are we going to sit on the couch and feel sorry for ourselves, or are we going to go out and get whatever training we need to succeed? Regardless of what influences I have experienced in my life, be they positive or negative, each day, when I wake up, I have choices to make. I get to decide where I'm going. I think I've said this before. I must believe it. :) 

I'll give you an example from my life. The other day, Troy came home and started to clean in the kitchen area, which he often does. Because of my insecurities as a homemaker, I have feelings of guilt and shame when he needs to help clean as soon as he gets home. The next morning, as I lay in bed pondering things (as I always do in the early hours), I thought to myself, what can I do about this situation? Then I thought, whose mess is it? And I realized that most of it was mine. It's papers and things that I haven't put away that are really mine to take care of. Interestingly, this thought brought me quite a bit of relief, and a sense of control. It's my mess, and if I want to free myself from the guilt and shame, I can simply clean it up. No need to lose my temper with kids or my husband, or fret about it. I can just clean it up and the problem will be gone. It sounds so simple. Actually, in this case, it is simple.

Taking responsibility is empowering. Blaming others for your situation is giving away your power. Now that I am more aware of this idea, I can gain more power in my life as I look for ways to take more responsibility where I can. Have a beautiful day, everyone.