I haven't posted in so long because I've been overwhelmingly busy, and I didn't feel like I had anything great to say. But I need to post, because I am committed to this process. I haven't weighed in for a long time. Last Friday, I was at 215.5. I've been pretty stagnant for like three months. Not what I had in mind. I realize that I can't expect external forces like shame and guilt to motivate me. I don't feel ashamed, because all of my friends are so supportive. My transformation has to come from within myself, in my heart.
I'm reading a book called Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway by Susan Jeffers. Anyone ever read it? It's got some interesting insights for those who live in fear. My guess is that anyone and everyone could find something in it that applies to themselves. A lot of you expressed the fact that you thought I was brave to create this blog. I wondered why that was so. It implies that sharing what I do is something scary--that it involves fear. The point of Jeffers' book is that everyone has fear in his or her life, but it doesn't need to play a deciding role in your life. There is no rule that says you can't do scary things. She claims that we can handle it. People do scary things every day. You can do scary things. What are you afraid of? Being alone? Being judged? Losing a loved one? You can handle it. If you have to, you will.
One concept she introduces is the idea that we often don't take responsibility for things in our lives that are ours to own. We can't control all of our circumstances, but we can control our reaction to them. If we lose our job, we can decide what our next move is. Are we going to sit on the couch and feel sorry for ourselves, or are we going to go out and get whatever training we need to succeed? Regardless of what influences I have experienced in my life, be they positive or negative, each day, when I wake up, I have choices to make. I get to decide where I'm going. I think I've said this before. I must believe it. :)
I'll give you an example from my life. The other day, Troy came home and started to clean in the kitchen area, which he often does. Because of my insecurities as a homemaker, I have feelings of guilt and shame when he needs to help clean as soon as he gets home. The next morning, as I lay in bed pondering things (as I always do in the early hours), I thought to myself, what can I do about this situation? Then I thought, whose mess is it? And I realized that most of it was mine. It's papers and things that I haven't put away that are really mine to take care of. Interestingly, this thought brought me quite a bit of relief, and a sense of control. It's my mess, and if I want to free myself from the guilt and shame, I can simply clean it up. No need to lose my temper with kids or my husband, or fret about it. I can just clean it up and the problem will be gone. It sounds so simple. Actually, in this case, it is simple.
Taking responsibility is empowering. Blaming others for your situation is giving away your power. Now that I am more aware of this idea, I can gain more power in my life as I look for ways to take more responsibility where I can. Have a beautiful day, everyone.
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
What's in your tool belt?
A friend of mine made a thought-provoking comment to me about my blog a couple of weeks ago. Here's what she said:
I think being grateful is profoundly important - but I have a sneaking suspicion that behind the curtain of gratitude is a little pesky thought nibbling at the edges of that "good" in the form of "with all these blessings, why aren't I satisfied with myself" wrinkle. Maybe if there's a thought of "I've done good enough for today, and will have another chance tomorrow' could alleviate some of that guilt. I'd like to hear you think about the things in which you are successful: I would start your success list with having raised caring, loving children and loving and being loved by a great companion. What other parts of your life do you consider successful? (Being realistically proud of yourself is just as meritorious as being realistically critical... and a lot more fun!)
I've been thinking about this quite a bit. She's right in a lot of ways. Staying positive and not expecting too much of myself is one of my greatest struggles. One of my first thoughts was that the purpose of my blog is to discuss the things I am working on to improve myself, and so therefore it may come across as negative. But I also acknowledged the fact that having a positive attitude is a very important part of being successful in anything we are attempting to do. Additionally, I thought of the phrase, "fake it till you make it." In my case, this would mean that I express gratitude and do my best to run through my list of positive things when I am struggling, even if I am not feeling those things deep down inside. Also, because I consider all areas of my life as something I am still working on, the concept of calling myself successful feels weird, because it implies completion of something. My perfectionism sneaks in and says, "You're not there yet!" But I think it's good to say that I've been successful so far, and I'm learning to accept "less than perfect" and "good enough" in my life. Progress is success in itself.
So as I lay in bed this morning, thinking about these things and trying to figure out how to write about them, an idea came to my head. The talents and skills we have, whether they are physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual, are like tools in a tool belt that we can wear while we work on the areas we are trying to improve. I am really good at visualizing my struggles in terms of a journey or a mountain to climb. But this idea of having a tool belt full of gifts and talents to help me along the way is new for me. So, to answer my friend's question about the things in which I am successful, I will tell you what's in my tool belt. And although it may be challenging, I will try to keep it as positive as I can, and not be self-deprecating or demeaning.
~I am a people person. I love talking to people, and I consider myself a good listener.
~I think I'm a pretty smart person. I have managed to hold onto a lot of information that has passed through my head.
~I can remember numbers really well. Phone numbers, birthdays, etc.
~I'm a good mom in a lot of ways. My kids don't fight with each other and they are pretty much obedient, happy, cooperative, loving people.
~I'm a pretty good wife. I try not to nag my husband, and we don't fight.
~I volunteer to do a lot of things. I am helpful.
~My determination to never give up on things is a quality I am proud of.
~I am a thoughtful person, and I like to think deeply about things, especially spiritual things.
~Most of the time, I am a pretty patient person.
~I try to look for the good in others.
~I can do lots of things--I can cook, sew, dance, sing, play the flute, speak in front of people, draw, lead a choir, and lots of other things.
~I work well with kids, especially teens. I can learn so much from them.
~I think I'm a pretty good writer.
I think that's long enough. I am excited about contemplating the ways that I can use these "tools" to help me as I strive to improve myself. And I now recognize the importance of carefully negotiating the narrow path between self-improvement and self-deprecation. Although I believe that I should always be striving to improve myself, always focusing on what needs to be improved without looking at what is already good can leave me in a negative frame of mind, which will not help my efforts. By acknowledging my gifts, talents and successes today, I have given myself a reminder of what I have in my tool belt to help me along the way, and the path looks less treacherous.
I would love to hear about your successes as well. Please feel free to comment or send me a private message and tell me about what's going on with you.
Happy New Year! I love you all! Have a great day. :)
P.S. Here's some recommended reading for the day--"Of Regrets and Resolutions" by Dieter F. Uchtdorf from the LDS General Conference in October 2012.
http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/10/of-regrets-and-resolutions?lang=eng&query=regrets+resolutions
I think being grateful is profoundly important - but I have a sneaking suspicion that behind the curtain of gratitude is a little pesky thought nibbling at the edges of that "good" in the form of "with all these blessings, why aren't I satisfied with myself" wrinkle. Maybe if there's a thought of "I've done good enough for today, and will have another chance tomorrow' could alleviate some of that guilt. I'd like to hear you think about the things in which you are successful: I would start your success list with having raised caring, loving children and loving and being loved by a great companion. What other parts of your life do you consider successful? (Being realistically proud of yourself is just as meritorious as being realistically critical... and a lot more fun!)
I've been thinking about this quite a bit. She's right in a lot of ways. Staying positive and not expecting too much of myself is one of my greatest struggles. One of my first thoughts was that the purpose of my blog is to discuss the things I am working on to improve myself, and so therefore it may come across as negative. But I also acknowledged the fact that having a positive attitude is a very important part of being successful in anything we are attempting to do. Additionally, I thought of the phrase, "fake it till you make it." In my case, this would mean that I express gratitude and do my best to run through my list of positive things when I am struggling, even if I am not feeling those things deep down inside. Also, because I consider all areas of my life as something I am still working on, the concept of calling myself successful feels weird, because it implies completion of something. My perfectionism sneaks in and says, "You're not there yet!" But I think it's good to say that I've been successful so far, and I'm learning to accept "less than perfect" and "good enough" in my life. Progress is success in itself.
So as I lay in bed this morning, thinking about these things and trying to figure out how to write about them, an idea came to my head. The talents and skills we have, whether they are physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual, are like tools in a tool belt that we can wear while we work on the areas we are trying to improve. I am really good at visualizing my struggles in terms of a journey or a mountain to climb. But this idea of having a tool belt full of gifts and talents to help me along the way is new for me. So, to answer my friend's question about the things in which I am successful, I will tell you what's in my tool belt. And although it may be challenging, I will try to keep it as positive as I can, and not be self-deprecating or demeaning.
~I am a people person. I love talking to people, and I consider myself a good listener.
~I think I'm a pretty smart person. I have managed to hold onto a lot of information that has passed through my head.
~I can remember numbers really well. Phone numbers, birthdays, etc.
~I'm a good mom in a lot of ways. My kids don't fight with each other and they are pretty much obedient, happy, cooperative, loving people.
~I'm a pretty good wife. I try not to nag my husband, and we don't fight.
~I volunteer to do a lot of things. I am helpful.
~My determination to never give up on things is a quality I am proud of.
~I am a thoughtful person, and I like to think deeply about things, especially spiritual things.
~Most of the time, I am a pretty patient person.
~I try to look for the good in others.
~I can do lots of things--I can cook, sew, dance, sing, play the flute, speak in front of people, draw, lead a choir, and lots of other things.
~I work well with kids, especially teens. I can learn so much from them.
~I think I'm a pretty good writer.
I think that's long enough. I am excited about contemplating the ways that I can use these "tools" to help me as I strive to improve myself. And I now recognize the importance of carefully negotiating the narrow path between self-improvement and self-deprecation. Although I believe that I should always be striving to improve myself, always focusing on what needs to be improved without looking at what is already good can leave me in a negative frame of mind, which will not help my efforts. By acknowledging my gifts, talents and successes today, I have given myself a reminder of what I have in my tool belt to help me along the way, and the path looks less treacherous.
I would love to hear about your successes as well. Please feel free to comment or send me a private message and tell me about what's going on with you.
Happy New Year! I love you all! Have a great day. :)
P.S. Here's some recommended reading for the day--"Of Regrets and Resolutions" by Dieter F. Uchtdorf from the LDS General Conference in October 2012.
http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/10/of-regrets-and-resolutions?lang=eng&query=regrets+resolutions
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